Be Direct, Be Kind

The two-move alternative to "being nice" (avoidance) and "being nasty" (aggression).

Being nice is not kindness. It is conflict avoidance wearing kindness as a costume, and it quietly breeds resentment and erodes trust. Being nasty is just directness without care. Neither moves anything.

The real move is both at once: be direct about what actually matters, and be kind, which means caring about the other person’s future as you say it. Directness without kindness wounds; kindness without directness lies.

Related moods

Resentment

Where it shows up

“I need to have this conversation, but I’m afraid.” “My boss doesn’t understand or respect me.” “I need to let someone go.” “I’m taking this too personally.”

See the distinction at work in a real conversation.

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